Fat Brown Envelope

He walked into my office cubicle brazenly, his lips making an unpleasant smacking sound as he moved a chewing gum around in his mouth.

I was seated at my desk, engrossed in my work, as I usually am.

I looked up to see his round smiley face. I nodded briefly and turned back to my work, a bit irritated at the way he kept on chewing and smacking his lips! As if in defiance to my building irritation. ‘Are you Madam Mini?’ he asked, still smiling, still smacking. ‘Yes, how may I help you sir?’ I responded ‘Ah, I have something for you, Chief sent me to you’ he reached into his pocket, and pulled out a fat brown envelope. ‘Who? Who is Chief?’ a little frown creasing the top of my forehead as I questioned him, deliberately ignoring the envelope in his hand. He responded with an even wider smile, ‘From Abakra company*. This is to say thanks.’ he extends the envelope towards me. Abakra* was a company that participated and won in a competitive tender I handled; they had just been awarded the contract, worth millions in dollars. ‘Sir, thank you but I don’t need that.’ I reply as I shake my head and turn away from him. ‘Ahn ahn. It’s just a token now, Chief wants you to have it.’ he insisted. hand still extended and lips still smacking. He moved to drop the fat brown envelope on my table. ‘I said no’ I responded firmly. ‘I was only doing my job and I don’t need you to give me anything for doing my job. Please take that away’ Seeing my seriousness; he picked up the envelope, stuffed it back in his pocket as he stepped back, looking perplexed, ‘Madam, which church do you go to?’ I raised my eyebrows, ‘This has nothing to do with church. It’s a personal principle, I don’t need anything from you or from Chief simply for doing my job.’ ‘But I will like to know your church Madam.'

Silence. I shook my head as I pondered how to get myself out of that awkward situation.

He observed the conversation was going nowhere, so he changed tack. 'Okay can I take you for lunch?’ I realize this guy must be on a mission, he won’t relent. I look into his smiling eyes. I couldn't decide if I was more upset by his persistence or his lip smacking. He continued ‘Madam, I don’t mind if your husband comes too. We can give you both a nice weekend somewhere.’ I had had enough. I stood up from my seat, moved close to him and whispered softly ‘Oga**, if you don’t stop this right now, I will raise my voice, and start screaming that you are harassing me. It will be an entirely different story. What do you think?’ He jumped back startled, ‘Ah madam, please no vex. I dey go. Please.’*** Lip smacking stopped. ‘Thank you.’ I said with a sweet smile as he hurried out of my office.

I never saw him again after that day.

*Abakra company - not the real name of the company

**'Oga' - meaning 'Senior or Boss' used sarcastically in this context ***'Please no vex. I dey go' - means 'don't be upset, I am going'

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